Beauty for the Broken

2018.03.18  (The Fifth Sunday in Lent)

The readings for today are intensely beautiful.  And there is a section in our reading from Hebrews where Jesus prays a heart wrenching prayer.  The author of Hebrews relates the prayer as follows: “Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to the one who was able to save him from death.”

And I imagine each one of us has been to a point during our lives when we have likewise cried out to God.  I know I’ve been there, on more than one occasion.  Because this verse portrays the state of being where your heart is crying out to God as you are going through something extremely painful.  Or you are supplicating and pleading for someone you love.  And these times are perhaps the most horrible condition to be in, and yet they are a penetrating condition to be in.  Because at the point that you or I are completely raw in reaching out to God, our Heavenly Father, as our only hope, it is at that point when we are the most real.  The most genuine.  The most honest.  With nothing to lose by being completely open.  It is during these bare moments of being completely broken open, that God is everything to us, because He is our only hope.

And so I see in these readings, the beauty of brokenness.  In our Gospel reading, Jesus tells us that “unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”  The seed of grain has to fall and split open and physically be broken apart.  Then and only then can fruit be born from its core.

This teaching about the grain of wheat is a parable for our hearts.  We guard our hearts.  We put our best foot forward.  We try to be strong, and self-reliant.  We try to deny if things are not right.  We don’t necessarily want anyone to know if something awful is facing us.  Until it gets to the point that we can no longer bear it.  And then our hearts break.  And just as the seed falls to the earth, we fall to our knees.  And we are broken open.

In the Old Testament reading the Lord is speaking to us of a new covenant.  A covenant that is not etched into hardened stone.  And the medium our Lord chooses to write upon is the human heart.  He promises to write his Holy law upon our hearts.  But we have to allow him.  We have to be softened.  Or God might as well chisel on stone.

And allowing God to soften our hearts can be difficult.  We don’t want to go through the softening.  Jesus himself prayed that the cup be taken from him.  Nobody wants to suffer.  And so we pray, “Father, save me from this hour.” But what happens when God says “no?”  We all want God to say “yes.”  But sometimes “no” is the necessary answer.  I mean, think about it.  What if, when Jesus asked his Father in Heaven to remove the cup from him, what if God had said “yes?”  Where would we be if Jesus had not allowed himself to be broken?

I imagine you have heard medical theories as to the actual cause of Jesus’ death on the cross. The theories outline that Jesus began to go into hypovolemic shock beginning with the severe beatings.  And there was a filling of the pericardium with fluid, which put a fatal strain on the ability of the heart to pump blood.  Evidence of this fluid around the heart is supported by the fact that both blood and water ran out when Jesus was pierced with the sword.  In short, the theories indicate a fatal cardiac arrhythmia may have caused the final terminal event. In other words, Jesus’ died of a broken heart.

And so when we cry out to God with our broken hearts, we do not cry out to a God that does not understand.  We cry out to a God that says, “I know.  And my body was broken for you.”

But the Easter account does not end with Christ’s broken body.  With Christ’s broken body the mystery of Easter begins.  Because Christ rose and went to prepare a place for us where we are told in Revelations 21:4-6 that:   ‘He will wipe every tear from our eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

And so I am wondering about the mysteries of Easter.  In Baptism we are buried and raised with Christ.  In the Eucharist, we share in the death and resurrection of Christ.  And so when we have broken hearts I am wondering if we cannot offer our broken hearts up as a means by which to share in Christ’s suffering.  Because we know that if we share in Christ’s suffering that we will also share in his glory.  This concept is explained in 1 Peter 4:13 where Peter exhorts: “Be glad for the chance to suffer as Christ suffered. It will prepare you for even greater happiness when he makes his glorious return.”  (Contemporary English Version). Or again, in Romans 8:18 Paul states: “And if we are His children, then we are His heirs also:  heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ; only we must share His suffering if we are to share His glory.”  (Amplified Bible, Classic Edition).

In other words, when we are at our lowest, we are assured the condition is temporary, because we have promise of a high position, specifically, we are heirs to the heavenly kingdom.  To state it another way, when we are at our lowest, the highest can enter and remind us who we are in Christ.

Jesus has promised us a place with no broken hearts. He has risen and has gone to prepare a place for us to inherit.   This is the Joy of Easter.  A kingdom bestowed upon paupers.  The risen from the dead.  The beauty for the broken.  Amen

On Hearing a Call to Priesthood

2018.03.04 Talk at Community Church

I am grateful for this opportunity to meet all of you.  Thank you for inviting me to share about the call I am hearing to become a priest.  And although I am here to share about my calling, I am certain that you are aware that we are all called to positions of service to our Lord Jesus in a capacity that only we can serve.  And God calls us and speaks to us in many ways in order to guide us –  through music, nature, scripture, other people, dreams, coincidences.  And I have heard God speak to me in different ways, but in particular, I would like to share today about the call I recently heard to become a priest.

The journey started when I was 10.  My mother gave me my first Bible and in it she wrote, “Study to show thyself approved a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” It was the most precious gift I had ever received, and it had my name on it in gold letters.   And so at a young age, I began reading and studying the Bible.  And when I was in High School I wanted to go to Dallas Theological Seminary.  But somehow, I ended up becoming an insurance claims adjuster instead.  And that is what I have been for the past 25 years.

In regards to which, my husband Patrick and I have only been down here in Cochise County for approaching two years now.  Prior to coming down here we were both claims managers for a company in Scottsdale, and our jobs were so hectic that we had no time or energy left for doing things that we felt mattered.  And I began praying, “Lord, is this what you want for us?”  And through a series of unexpected happenings, we received an answer.  We quit our jobs, sold our house, got rid of most of our worldly possessions and landed in a 480 SF house in the middle of the desert, with no real plan of how we were even going to make a living.

And so I began to think about going back to school and started exploring becoming a teacher.  And then I realized that if I were, at the age of 51, to go back and study anything, I would want to study the Bible.  But seminary is expensive and time consuming and so I would make inquiries here and there about it, but we became busy starting our own insurance claims adjusting company and these thoughts of seminary were placed on hold.

Then last July, I was in church at St. Paul’s, and I was standing after the service in one of the pews facing the altar.  Another parishioner, Wil Weimer, came up to me after everybody had left.  And he was standing on my right and speaking to me about the needs of the parish.  And when he paused, I heard a voice to my left say, “You should be the priest.”  And it was a soft but unmistakable voice that came in the form of a sort of wind or presence, because I could feel the direction it came from.  And Wil didn’t hear it, but to me it was unmistakable.  So I shared this with Patrick and we began to consider again how I might go to seminary.  We discussed selling our house and buying an airstream trailer and going to Seminary of the Southwest in Texas.

Then came September 29^th and 30^th and Patrick and I attended the Episcopal Diocesan Convention in Phoenix.  And the 2^nd day of convention, I was sitting next to Wil Weimer during the voting session.  And the Bishop called for a break in the meeting.  Well, something prompted me to tell Wil that I was hearing a call to become a priest.  And he responded with, “You need to speak with someone.”  And the next thing I know, Wil is leading me to intercept the Bishop who was trying to exit the convention room for a break.  Now, I was honestly mortified, because I thought there should be some interim steps between confiding in a fellow parishioner and standing before the Bishop.  But Wil physically blocked The Bishop’s exit and announced to him that I was interested in becoming a priest.  To which the Bishop responded kindly that I could go on to the Diocesan website and find out more about the process and so forth.  But honestly, I was so flustered that although I am certain the Bishop was telling me helpful information, the main take away I took from the encounter was to never tell Wil anything again, unless I actually wanted something done about it.

Now mind you, I have to take a step back and share something.  The first day of convention, before the encounter with the Bishop, I spent the entire day trying not to cry.  Because I was seeing all these people with vibrant ministries in service to others and I was feeling a void in my own life over not having this.  My life has always been work, work, work, work, work, and if my husband had a dollar for every time I stated all I wanted was for my life was to have purpose, I am certain we could pay for the new roof that we need on our rectory.

But so, now, fast forward a couple weeks from Convention to October 13^th.  After convention, I traveled with my daughter to stay in a hotel to do some work up in Northern Arizona.  And my daughter is not an early riser.  And I wanted to have a quiet time but did not want to wake her. So, I went into the bathroom, closed the door, and sat on the floor and prayed, “Heavenly Father, if I ask you for a fish you will not give me a snake.  Where do you want me to cast my net?”  And a warmth came over me and my breathing became rapid and tears started streaming down my face. And I had an intense ache which started growing in my heart to the point of being tangible and hard to bare.  This ache was wrapped around the concept of, “Harvest.”  And I can only explain this experience as God’s Spirit interceding for me with “wordless groans” as described by the Apostle Paul in Romans 8:26.

When my daughter woke, we went on a short walk, returned to the room, and my phone rang.  And it was the Bishop asking if I would be interested in a program for bi-vocational priesthood in order to become the Vicar of St. Paul’s Episcopal Church in Tombstone.

Imagine that.  I mean – I was trusting that God would answer my request to hear my call, but I did not expect Him to answer that quickly with an actual call as in phone call from the Bishop.

And what the bi-vocational program is, is that the Diocese of Arizona is trying to raise up priests in outlying areas to service the smaller communities.  We keep our regular jobs in addition to serving in the capacity to which we are being called.  And so the program is also known as the “tentmaker” priest program after the Apostle Paul who was a tentmaker.  The Apostle Paul, as you may know, worked at his trade of making tents while spreading the gospel so as to not be a burden on the early churches.

Right now, there are 5 of us going through the program.  And so, I have been assigned a mentor priest, John Kitagawa, who is giving me hands on training at St. Paul’s while I am going through the studies.  The studies will be by meeting on line bi-weekly.  We are being trained by three PHD’s in theology.  And the Diocese pays for my studies.  I am only responsible to purchase my books — which is an amazing miracle of a blessing.  The process will take two years and I will first become a Deacon and then go on to ordination.

Now, other than the fact that I was invited here today to happily share about this call that I am hearing, I asked God before coming here to speak, “What is the benefit in sharing my story of hearing a call?”  Because some of you may be saying to yourself, “Yes, I can relate to this – I have heard God calling me in a certain direction.”  But others may say, “You know, God has never really been that specific with me.”  And so, what I wanted to point out, is I was really feeling a sense of unrest before receiving the call.  I had a sense that I was supposed to be doing something other than what I was doing.  And to those of you who are having a similar gnawing feeling I would encourage you, “Ask and it shall be given you, Seek and you shall find, Knock and the door will be opened unto you.”  God will make his way known to you in some manner, because if you ask for a fish, he will not give you a snake.  And for those of you who are not having a sense of unrest, I would say if there is no gnawing feeling that you should be doing something differently, that the greatest blessing in life is serving the Lord where you are.  Because the will of the Lord is not complicated.  The Apostle Paul gives us a guide for God’s will in I Thessalonians 5:16-18 wherein he exhorts us to: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

The call to rejoice, pray and thank God daily is the will of God we can all respond to and implement each day.  And I am looking forward to working alongside you in Tombstone, as one community in Christ.  Thank you.

H.D. Anyone, a.k.a Heather Rose

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